well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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