oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
