hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
