Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
