Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
