shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize