True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
