I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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