I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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