Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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