and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I enjoy the company of your penis
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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