new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
