That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
