new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
