one two three fourrrrnication!
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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