I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
