I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
