Need sex. Gaining weight.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
