You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
