yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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