We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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