so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
