I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
