woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
