Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
