Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
