my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
