he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
