i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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