I love black thongs
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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