2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize