Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize