This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
