i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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