ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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