Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Randomize
