guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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