i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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