he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
