Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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