Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
