You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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