it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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