His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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