i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
