i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
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