Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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