How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
BRING THE BAGELS
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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