finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
