Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
