the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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