420 ftw
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
