is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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