Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
a search helicopter?!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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