I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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