and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
