Its about making memories worth repressing
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
