The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize