Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
