I can text with my tongue
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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