no more duck duck goose at the bar
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
