I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
