What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
