i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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