Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
