you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
