dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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