doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
