did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
