i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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