apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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