dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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