I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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