i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
