I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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