so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
