This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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