My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
