So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just want nice things and good sex
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
