i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
