Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
