I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
