If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
