He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
