He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
