I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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