I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
