Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
