All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
