Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
